Our firstborn was a late speaker; I just put it down to her being brought up bilingual as I had heard plenty say that they often are later speakers as they have more to take in. I believe there are studies that have come out that suggest that it doesn't play into it (it certainly didn't slow down our second child's speech development), so it is probably far more down to how each individual child is built and processes things. Personally it didn't bother me too much, the exact reason wasn't so important to me in any case. The way I see it is that all babies and toddlers have so much to learn that they all prioritise different skills at different times. Our firstborn had great fine and gross motor skills for her age so I just thought the speech would come on it's own as and when she was ready. She definitely understood everything we said to her in both English and Swedish, so even if she couldn't respond verbally most of the time she made herself understood by signing (I must add we didn't do baby signing with her, although in hindsight I wish I had looked into it more) and making other noises. In fact she was a proper chatterbox from an early age it was just all gibberish. I remember a lot of my English speaking friends would ask what she had said because I would always hold conversations with her, so I was endlessly explaining that "no, she isn't speaking fluent Swedish" I just happened to understand what she was on about or made stuff up to encourage her speech.
Up until she was two and a half years old she only had about ten words in her vocabulary, but neither myself, my husband or our health visitor felt worried about her progress. And then almost over night she started stringing words together out of nowhere, she was still clearly behind her peers, but it felt like such a massive leap it made me worry less because I felt that it just confirmed that she would get going when she was ready. Her language at home improved massively but she seemed incapable to speak to others, we put it down to standard shyness and found it was mostly an inconvenience as she wouldn't even say "thank you" to waiters when they brought her food or drink over, in fact she wouldn't even say it to her grandparents. We thought it was some form of attention seeking as she would speak perfectly to us and then become entirely non-verbal whenever one of our relatives were present. When she turned four we had an incredible turn around, all of a sudden she could speak to anyone and everyone. Only after this did I learn about "selective mutism", which deserves a post unto itself at some point so I won't go in to it much right now, other than it is a form of anxiety disorder when children (& sometimes adults) feel utterly unable to speak in certain circumstances. I wish health professionals that we had spoken to along the way had mentioned it as I'm sure we could have supported her better through it, instead we were often pushy and lacking in understanding towards her genuine fear of speaking.
A lot of kids with selective mutism need a lot of support and guidance to help them get out of their cycle and early intervention is very important for their development. Somehow our daughter "snapped" out of it, I think partly because we did change tact towards the end, and I think partly because maybe she felt something happen when she turned four. Like now she was a big girl and ready for it. Whatever it was, she hasn't stopped talking to us or strangers since! She still has a bit of a lisp, and I don't find she's as good at repeating new words (or daring to try them even) as her younger sister is despite the two year age difference, but she is improving daily.
As I said earlier, when she was a toddler it didn't phase me too much, I felt she needed my support so there was no point in feeling too jealous of other's and their actual, very funny, conversations with their little ones. Now we have a chatty two year old in our house I realise just how far behind our eldest was, but at the time I had no comparison and so little to worry about. That said there were instances when I wished she spoke more, social media was usually where I would get the kick in the gut from. Seeing people either post funny comments made by their kids or when they filled in the questionnaires that you see circulate, a list of questions to ask your child and write down their exact answers. They always stung a little because, well what was the point of doing it when I might get 1 or 2 answers at most?
Now one of those popped up in my feed the other day and for the first time I thought it might be something fun to fill in with the two girls, so I did. It may be a small thing to many, but if you had a late talker I'm sure you'll get it too. I have been more sad about it retrospectively (maybe because now I know we could've been better help earlier) than I ever felt at the time, but I find that to be true about a lot looking back at my first two years as a mother.
As I speak Swedish to the kids I asked them the questions in Swedish despite them being written in English. I have written their responses (they tend to mix of both their languages seamlessly when they speak) and added the English translation in brackets where applicable.
WITHOUT prompting, ask your child these questions and write EXACTLY what they say about you.
Interview with Nova aged 2.5 years
❤What is something mum says a lot? saker (things)
❤What makes mum happy? lego
❤What makes mum sad? baby
❤How tall is Mum? blå (blue)
❤What's mum's favourite thing to do? ost (cheese)
❤What is mum's favourite food? pizza
❤What is mum’s favorite drink? saft (juice)
❤If mum could go anywhere, where would she go? chicken nuggets på båt (chicken nuggets on a boat)
❤Do you think you could live without mum? mhm
❤How does mum annoy you? you arg (angry)
❤What is mum's favourite TV show? häst program (horse programme)
❤What is mum's favourite music to listen to? you music
❤What is mum’s job? pappa (daddy)
❤How old is mum? you baby
❤What's is mum's favorite colour? orange
❤How much do you love mum? älskar dig (love you)
WITHOUT prompting, ask your child these questions and write EXACTLY what they say about you.
Interview with Vanessa aged 4.5
❤What is something mum says a lot? sluta tramsa (stop being silly)
❤What makes mum happy? när jag är duktig (when I am good)
❤What makes mum sad? när mig och Nova start to tramsa (When Nova & I start being silly)
❤How tall is Mum? jag inte vet (I don't know)
❤What's mum's favourite thing to do? göra saker (stuff)
❤What is mum's favourite food? pizza
❤What is mum’s favorite drink? vatten (water)
❤If mum could go anywhere, where would she go? up för bergen och runt bergen (upp the hills and around the hills)
❤Do you think you could live without mum? nej (no)
❤How does mum annoy you? när jag leker häst i min säng på natten och vaknar dig och du säger till mig att sluta (when I am pretending to be a horse in my bed at night and you tell me to stop)
❤What is mum's favourite TV show? filmer (films)
❤What is mum's favourite music to listen to? så många olika (so many different kinds)
❤What is mum’s job? ladda saker på datorn (load things on the computer)
❤How old is mum? 20
❤What's is mum's favorite colour? rosa (pink)
❤How much do you love mum? hela tiden (all the time)
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