The sometimes tiresome but equally important baby advice

From the minute you announce your pregnancy you get bombarded with advice and opinions from everywhere from your friends and relatives to the TV and social media. The list of do's & don'ts is frankly exhausting as you try to figure out the balance between the mother you had hoped to be and the mother you actually are (I think a lot of us aren't prepared for the many ways motherhood changes us, and I'm not talking about the physical changes; the gap between expectation & reality is often greater than you'd previously thought). There are two frequently used terms that I have mixed feelings about; they both usually come from a well meaning place, but I think they both cause a lot of unnecessary pressure, especially on new mothers but I've also seen and experienced it myself in the transition from one to two plus children. These two phrases are: "sleep when the baby sleeps" and "treasure every minute" and as I said my feelings towards them are mixed.

As a mother of three I can categorically tell you that time flies by far too fast, and so yes, you need to make the most of the time; try to enjoy the many sweet moments and be forgiving on yourself and your baby for the long tiresome hours. But to tell new mothers to treasure every minute is putting a mountain worth of weight on their already tired shoulders. Sure, once in a while we need a reminder to appreciate how lucky we are to have these little ones in our care, but to expect anyone to enjoy anything ALL the time is just absurd. Being a parent is tough, it's hard going and drains you both physically and mentally. If you have a child in your company just now, then yes try to enjoy it because one day it will all be a distant memory, but if you have moments or days where it's tough and you just can't "treasure" everything that's ok too. I think that you'll look back wistfully at the memories of your children whatever you do so try to find a balance that makes you happy now. 

Which brings me to the nagging "sleep when the baby sleeps", I am sure I had heard that at least a million times before our firstborn had even made her entrance into the world. The reality is that you can't always sleep when the baby sleeps; although if it's your first and you have the luxury of being home with your baby for a long time then you will look back and thank yourself if you enjoy it while it actually is possible. Subsequent pregnancies and babies are difficult to rest through properly when you already have other children who need you; I know that is fairly self explanatory, but I am thankful that I listened to the advice to rest with my first and yet I know I should've picked sleep over chores so many times. Again it's about finding a happy balance between enjoying the sweet baby snuggles and treasuring the short spurts of alone time. So often we have such a long to-do list, or simply long for a little bit of personal space where you aren't catering for someone else's needs, that we need to put our little one down for their nap. It's easier in the early days to put the rest of the world on hold and cherish every moment they snuggle in to you, their safe haven, for a snooze. But as the months go by you feel like you need to accomplish chores as well; and then when you have more than one child it becomes, as I said earlier, very difficult to go for one of those much needed naps when the baby sleeps. Even when you have managed to get two or even all three children to sleep there is so much laundry, piles of dishes and general mess to sort out, never mind emails to answer lest your old friends think you've disappeared down a black hole only to reappear once in a while when you post a baby photo on social media.

So as a mother who doesn't get many of those precious moments, when I say "sleep when the baby sleeps" (and make myself cringe because I hated others saying it on loop) and "Treasure every most of the moments", I don't want to weigh you down, mama. I just want you to remember to, on occasion, say f*** it to the chores and lists of things to accomplish, and go lie down with your baby. Even if you don't sleep but just get a chance to lie down, recharge, breath in your baby and feel yourself relax as you listen to your baby's sweet, sweet little breaths, I promise you this: you will never look back at that moment with regret. Yes, of course you need to have alone time and be able to do other things too, so I'm by no means saying you have to do these things religiously. I'm just saying that the rest of the world can wait sometimes and we ALL need to be reminded of that sometimes. This doesn't just apply to mothers, I think we could all do with remembering to be kind to ourselves sometimes, but as the saying goes "a mother's work i ne'er done" so we definitely need the extra push.

This morning my husband took our eldest daughter to her ballet class and brought her younger sister along, leaving me at home with the baby. The class is only half an hour long so he took them to the grocery store (which is one of the reasons I know he really loves me, because taking them with him to the shops is something he generally finds immensely unpleasant) to make sure they were all out of the house for longer. It's not uncommon for him to do this, however it is also not unusual for me to get on with a million little tasks that I've been dying to do but haven't been able to with three children running/crawling about the place. Lately the kids have been sleeping abysmally though and I have been feeling incredibly run down the last few days. After over five years of bad sleep (because let's face it the sleep problems start during pregnancy!) you'd think I'd be used to running on empty, but that's definitely not the case and there's only so much all the coffee (not even going to admit how many cups I have daily) can do. Anyway this morning the house was empty, well nearly, and when the wee one was ready for his nap I closed all the curtains in the master bedroom and snuggled up to my almost nine month old little boy. I didn't get more than a short snooze myself despite him sleeping for well over an hour, but that didn't matter because I got to lie there and look at him in wonder. I have no idea how he's become so big and in the blink of an eye it will be his first birthday. We don't get many sweet moments like today, infinitely fewer than I ever got with either of his sisters, and even if I didn't get all the sleep I needed I got a chance to well and truly treasure a rare moment with my baby. 

Don't let all the unwanted comments, advice and opinions bring you down or make you feel stressed because you aren't loving everything about motherhood. You're only human and we all hit hurdles because it is relentless, try to joke about the shitty bits and enjoy the moments you can, but most of all be kind to yourself!