12 ways babies say "I love you"

Babies may not be able to speak but they still find ways to show how much they love those around them. Here's a list of how ours have shown us affection since birth:

1. Try to claw your face off; this is also how they let you know it's definitely time to cut their nails and I'm fairly sure they mean to scar you at least once so you're marked like cattle. Each one of ours has left their mark on me, luckily they've also given me more wrinkles so you can hardly see the scars.
2. Try to gouge your eyeballs out; they say the eyes are the windows to your soul, your baby essentially own you anyway giving them access to your soul isn't a big ask of you think about it!
3. Fish hook you, preferably so they rip off layers from your gums - you guessed right, if they draw blood they really, really love you!
4. Head-butt you, this is especially terrifying when they barely have any neck strength - I believe they want you to prove your reciprocal love by stopping it from just flying off completely. It's also a not so subtle hint that they want fed, we all love the bringers of food, babies are no exception.
5. Try to eat your nose, cheeks, chin, forehead... Who am I kidding your ENTIRE FACE, most importantly though: the more slobber up your nostrils the more loving you're getting (this is the base form of kisses). Just beware of them showing affection like this when teeth start appearing, they just want to share more love with you for each tooth but that also translates as more pain.
6. Throw up on you; more so our firstborn than the others, she'd literally shower us with "love". Also note that when they become toddlers this shifts to them wiping their snot and dirty hands on your clothes and extremities.
7. Poop on you; that's how our 3rd says good morning currently, the older ones are morning poopers too though; so basically don't visit us before 8 am or the place stinks because NO ONE remembers to flush the toilets.
8. Pee on you, this is to mark their territory lest another baby should appear.
9. Scream at you, pretty certain this links to #8 but it's an even greater attempt to sideline any broody thoughts parents may have so they will focus all their love on them.
10. Pull out clumps of your hair; for men that includes beards, moustaches, armpit & leg hair.
11. Laugh at you; often after having done one or all of the above.
12. Sleep on you. This is definitely my favourite and the least painful one unless you're in an awkward position and as a result get a dead arm, leg or sore neck or you REALLY need to pee.

I would add cuddle you but that goes hand in hand with most of the above.