Let's talk about bribes

Let's talk about bribes... Because let's face it: call them what you like we all try to bargain with our children in different ways at times.

When I was little I legitimately thought that all "smarties" and "m&m's" were actually called "muta" (the Swedish word for bribe). Only once I'd learnt to read did I find out they were in fact called something else. My mum would have them with her and I would loudly ask for "bribes" in public, the looks she must've gotten! But if you ask me she was just a normal parent, wanting a little bit of peace from the madness of spending time with their child. I also have a tendency to get hangry: I do now and I definitely did as a child so I don't blame my mum for having little "pick-me-ups" with her for when my blood sugar levels dropped. In fact I wish I was better at carrying around bribes for myself now I'm an adult. I'd probably be an infinitely happier and calmer person if I did!

Like most parents I try to make sure they have a balanced diet, and try the best I can to steer them away from sugar (man it's difficult though!). But I've found the more children I have and the older they get the more I rely on incentives and sweets are a damn sight cheaper (and my house doesn't get as cluttered) than toys. I've also found the promise of a treat to be more effective than the threat of being sent to their room. Well at least when we're out and about, not like I can ask them to go to their room or shout... I use my shouty voice frequently. I don't like it. I wish I didn't do it so often. I'm nowhere near the zen mother I had hoped to be pre-kids. But I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm a shouty mum; I try to limit it, I've got good days and bad. Sometimes, who am I kidding! Most of the time, I just wish my children would listen when I ask them things nicely and speak in an in-door voice but they don't the first 10 times and so I lose it. So bribes can be a lifeline for us all when we're out.

The marshmallow thing started about a month ago when a friend handed us a bag and it's made such a difference to my car journeys with them since. I generally don't like the kids eating in the car, I find fruit permissable as well as anything that is unlikely to crumble or smear all over their seats (with 3 under 5 finding the time to clean all their seats isn't always easy!). But the marshmallows are a fairly clean affair... so far... I've no doubt one day our wild second born will find something stupid to do with them. And they probably won't be so great when the car is roasting in summer... So I'll no doubt replace the bribe but it's been a fantastic addition to my car nonetheless.

This is the first replacement bag which isn't bad considering we had the other one for a good 3-4 weeks. Although maybe the fact that it's taken so long to replace it is more a reflection on how often the kids don't listen and henceforth don't get a treat... 

Wednesday afternoon was a good example (and how a lot of our car journeys go): on the way to pick up the eldest from nursery the middle child Houdini'd out of her car seat and asked... Nay, demanded a marshmallow when we got to school, I obviously said no. When all of us got in to drive home the eldest asked if they could have one, I said "yes, if you're good on the way home." The middle child proceeded to shout "it's not fair, leave me lone" the. WHOLE. Way. Home. Now that's her behaviour despite the promise of a treat if she behaves so you go ahead an imagine what it was like in the car before I turned to bribes. Suffice to say the eldest got a treat and the middle child did not.

Like a lot of my parenting this is far from foolproof! But having a peaceful drive or outing once in a while is worth the bribery.