Bird poo gate

Been putting dodgy stuff in my gob (unintentionally) again 🙈... 

If you've missed it I've attached my mouldy bread saga from a few months ago you can find it HERE

Just before lunchtime the three kids and I had a joint dentist appointment. The eldest had gone to school on the bus this morning but I didn't bother with the nursery run as I'd spend more time walking to and from school than at home. At about 10:20 I shuffled out the house to the garage with the two little ones to get into my car. Instantly I was struck by something not being right as I could see something moving about in my car. It turned out to be a bird (presumably it had flown in when my husband was taking out the dog food bag from my boot earlier that morning). I swore as soon as I saw it as I thought it would be a pain to get it out, it zoomed out as soon as I opened a door though.

Everything good so far! Buckled the little ones in. Sat down and reversed out the garage. Once we were out in daylight the reality became clear though. There was bird shit all over the dashboard. Admittedly, it could probably have been a lot worse had the bird been in longer than the 2 hours or so. But there was still poo everywhere I looked. Poo I didn't have to be cleaning up, so as I did there was a lie more expletives thrown about. All I can say is thank goodness I've got young children and generally have baby wipes in the car - even managed to find a bottle of antibacterial liquid at the bottom of the mess in my boot.

Finally we were off to collect the eldest from school, from there we continued down the road. The middle child was thirsty in the back so I passed her her bottle and then picked up the packed of gum I generally keep in the cup holder. As I was busy focusing on the road I opted for using my teeth to pull out a piece of gum from the pack.

THAT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE! As soon as it touched my tongue I knew something wasn't right, it was a horrible, wet, bitter taste that I was met by. I knew instantly that it was bird shit. I garbled a "F***" while frantically rolling down my window & spitting out of it as soon as I could. My left arm reached back towards the middle child "booooel! BOTTLE!!!" For once she listened immediately and I took a big swig, washed my mouth & gobbed it out the window.

Kids were incredibly confused by the whole thing and the middle child couldn't fathom WHY a bird had shat in my mouth. At least I had told the eldest that there had been a bird in my car so she quickly cottoned on to the fact that it must have pooped on my packed of gum.

As you can imagine my mouth felt incredibly unsanitary still so I, carefully, opened the packed of gum from the opposite side to get a piece from the clean end (used my fingers this time though!). Problem was that I hadn't closed the other end seeing as I didn't want to be soiled by the bird poo more than I was so I got showered by pieces of gums as a shower of swear words came out of my mouth. Several pieces fell into my Doc Martens.

I admitted defeat and found the nearest passing place, stopped the car, emptied my boots and pretended to wash myself clean of the horrible sequence of events that had just unfolded.

Don't lick bird poo, it tastes horrible... I know there's a superstition that being pooped on by a bird is meant to be good luck, I have a feeling it doesn't translate to you consuming it though or people would lick it more often. There's still more shite left to wipe from my car but I can't face it just yet. Hope you're having a better day.