I post this as Juno celebrates her first birthday - we opened her presents where she was born. Some of this was written a year ago and other bits only now so excuse the jumps in tenses and it being a bit muddled. I've not had time to edit it like I normally would either so I'm sure there are spelling mistakes and other possible errors but if I don't post this now it may not happen and I want to treasure this memory before it slips away more than it has.
I found reading other women's birth stories so helpful while preparing for this birth. The positive ones filled me with hope of what could be and inspired me lots. The ones where plans changed where still so helpful as it made me think about different situations and what I might or might not want to do myself. I'll also found these inspiring as so much strength came out of them, regardless of whether the woman felt happy or not with the experience it was useful to learn from (although also terrifying how often most trauma seemed to be caused by staff, especially in hospital, when they decide to ignore the woman's voice and wishes). Bear with me it is long but I thought it would be useful to others who have days worth of prodomonal labour.
🦋EDD: 1/2/21
🦋Actual Birth date: 7/2/21 @ 19:45 (40+6)
🦋Prodromal labour: 3-4 day long stop/start latent labour
🦋Known baby girl: Juno Luna Celeste
🦋4th pregnancy: 1st home birth & 1st water birth
🦋Planned Home birth/HBAC (considering to freebirth if no staff available/weather was bad)
🦋Actual Unassisted/BBA
🦋Present at birth: Husband & our daughters (nearly 6 & 4.5) & our son (nearly 3)
🦋No pain relief: Only used basic hypnobirthing breathing and affirmations
🦋Physiological third stage
Previous births:
❄️#1 - Feb 2014. Spontaneous vaginal birth in hospital MLU @ 40+1 weeks. 40hr labour (+ prodromal labour the days before) with gas & air, TENS-machine & epidural (first two failed, took 6hrs before they got the 3rd to work). Ended up attached to CTG monitors & with clip to baby's head. Got stuck labouring on my back, got hormone drip after dilating 10cm as I felt no urge to push. Ended up with coached pushing to a room full telling me when to. 2nd degree tears & stitches. Realise now it was probably close to ending in a section.
❄️#2 - May 2016. Spontaneous vaginal birth in hospital MLU @ 40+1 weeks. 28hr labour (+ several days prodromal labour before) with G&A, TENS & Diamorphine injection. Got stuck labouring on my back on the bed again - I hate hospital environments and couldn't move about comfortably at all. Again got to 10cm then felt no urge to push as I was exhausted so was told to have hormone drip. Doctors in and out lots, again had coached pushing to a full room and probably was close to being told I needed further assistance. 1st degree tear, only a couple of stitches I think.
❄️#3 - March 2018. Delivered by C-Section @ 39weeks. Had planned home birth (knew we wanted one as soon as our second was born) which had to change in the last weeks due to our son having a dwarfism condition and after researching I felt the risks with a vaginal birth were too high so had an elective (gentle) section. Full story written up on my blog, I hated it but the staff were amazing and my son has benefitted from the decision so much.
Quite strong period like pains all afternoon. Was trying to not get too excited as I know from experience that I get that for a while before labour starts. In fact I'd had mild cramps the week leading up to it. Around 17:00 I had the tiniest bit of snotty looking cervical mucus when I had gone for a pee. Knew it wasn't the plug but hopefully that it was a sign that it would start coming soon. It came out over 1-2 days with my two other girls in the days leading up to my labours starting.
4/2/21
Woke up around 4-4:30ish (pretty standard for me these days) and couldn't get back to sleep. Went to the toilet quite a few times and while I never turned on the light to check I could tell I was wiping big blobs of mucus plug due to the consistency. Felt crampy during the hours up till 6:30 when child #3 woke up and came to our bed for a cuddle. Nothing suggesting contractions about to start, just dull cramps and tightenings - strong Braxton Hicks basically.
Had had a dehydration head ache during those hours. My HG makes it difficult to drink more than tiny sips and even the small sips of water I was having was making me feel awful. Felt more sick than I have in a while and threw up as we got up. I normally throw up but it was worse than it's been the last few weeks back on medication.
Things calmed down during the morning of home schooling. Baby moving happily and the odd BH but nothing noteworthy. IF things do start today I don't think they'll kick off until the kids are in bed as I'm struggling to relax.
Around midday I felt my underwear getting filled with a wet blob. Sure enough when I went to the toilet there was a HUGE bit of (fairly clear/whitish) mucus - like egg white. Over the next hour+ I was having smaller amounts leaking so I finally put on a pad to keep myself somewhat dry. My water have always broken late in labour so I don't anticipate them going this time either but figured it was better in case I get a slow leakage as I know it does happen. In any case it was getting a bit wet from the increased cervical mucus (apparently your vagina getting nice and lubricated for baby coming out).
Kept lightly leaking cervical mucus all afternoon. Baby was quite active and making full turns between posterior and anterior position all afternoon and evening. Had some very strong BH while putting the kids to bed. Then irregular contractions all evening once they were in bed. They were not unbearable but strong enough that I needed to focus on my breathing and staying relaxed - could feel them stretching round to my lower back as well as all over the stomach so not just BH any longer. I knew it was important to focus through these lighter ones to give me confidence for later. Ended up taking a long hot shower before going to bed as I was sore from the baby being so active. I hoped things wouldn't pick up as I had been up so long and felt I really needed the rest. Was asleep by 22:30.
5/2/21
Half slept from 4ish - definitely managed to doze more than I did yesterday. Had BH on and off till youngest came to our bed around 6:30. Have had some more lumps of thick mucus/plug coming out during the day. Things picked up again the evening. This time much stronger than the other evenings, had to focus on my breathing but still 5-20 minutes between the surges. Again managed to go to sleep but definitely felt like things were happening. My gut was telling me she'd arrive by the end of the weekend, Monday at the latest.
6/2/21
Husband was really sure she'd come on the Saturday, both our other daughters were born on a Saturday. I felt things would need to ramp up a fair bit for that to happen though. I had woken up during the night with a dreadful pain in my left leg. Felt like a super intense muscle cramp and the pain did dull down after a while but my leg felt funny. Panicked about it being possible that it was a blood clot, this was despite me being low risk and very active and not showing any other signs of a clot. But I had had to fight for my HBAC so many times this pregnancy fear of losing itade my brain go into over drive. My husband had decided it was probably safest he did a big shop (we live rurally & 12miles from our nearest supermarket) in case my labour kicked off and we were due more snow - it had been white around us in the Perthshire glens for weeks and we had already had a few big dumps of snow already. Our drive was already fairly snowed in.
As soon as he was back I called triage. I had cried so much before then and kind of not wanted to call in just in case they asked me to come in as I knew I'd probably not get out of the hospital until baby was out. But I also knew that I had to call because it was too dangerous not to..
The surges were coming through the day for the first time all week, despite the kids being about. But they were coming anywhere from 5-30minutes apart and in varying strengths. It still had a way to go but I knew this was the beginning of my labour. The lady who answered when I called triage was lovely and reassuring. Thankfully she said what I had hoped to hear but hadn't think I would hear. She felt it all sounded incredibly unlikely to be a clot when she had looked over my notes and asked me a few questions. She felt it was probably a muscle cramp and told me to relax and let my labour continue so I could get my home birth.
I'm so grateful to that woman!
I spent the rest of the day feeling restless and tried to do small tasks while also taking it easy. Rugby Six Nations was on so I spent a lot of time bouncing on my birthing ball and watching that. In hindsight I think she was polite and didn't start arriving so daddy could watch Scotland beat England and enjoy his Guinness. Surges picked up in strength as the kids went to bed but I still managed to go to bed at a reasonable hour.
7/2/21
Woke up on Sunday around 4 to strong tightenings. I could breath through it but felt restless and wide awake. As everyone else was sleeping I tiptoed downstairs and started to time my contractions as it felt like there was a pattern. They were coming every 3-5 minutes and lasting 40 ish seconds, definitely increasing in strength and pain level. I made sure to keep drinking and trying to relax. For the first time I felt sure it was definitely kicking off, this belief was strengthened when I went to the toilet and had a big bloody bit of mucus plug release. Knowing how long my labours are though I prepared mentally for seeing our daughter in the early hours of the next day with some luck.
I drew on our blackboard and as it neared 5:30 i decided to go for a hot shower which was bliss and helped the pain. After I snuggled up in bed to try to get some more rest while i still could in case it went on through the whole day and following night. Didn't really get any more sleep before the kids got up but the rest was wise.
The kids were in full swing and the contractions eased off again which made me feel disappointed but I tried to take it easy. By 10:00 the contractions had again found a rhythm and were coming every 4-6 minutes and lasting 40-60 seconds. I felt comfortable and relaxed but they were definitely sore. My husband's suggested I go do some hypnobirthing so I went up to our room and listened to my CD as the surges ramped up a bit.
Felt amazing and in control though was such a difference to not try to fight the pain! I could feel what my body was trying to do and my affirmations made such a difference (I didn't actually spend much time in the rooms were they were but I had had them up for a month or two so I had them imprinted in my mind).
My second born is prone to explosive anger tantrums, especially when she's tired and we were gifted with one after I had been upstairs. It made my contractions ease off once again and I managed to convince her to come up for a lie down with me. She clearly needed it as she ended up taking a sweaty nap in my arms. I didn't sleep myself but embraced the chance to rest.
All my hypnobirthing preparation felt like it was really paying off. I did a lot of wandering about the house, bouncing on the ball and ensuring I was tilting myself forward over my pelvic. I spent a lot of the time in bed with my bum up in the air or squatting next to the bed. With the others all being back to back I knew it was vital that I try to promote a good position early on.
It was a great distraction to be at home with my children and I felt so much more relaxed than I had during my other births. I could feel myself opening with each surge but instead of fighting it and the pain I was leaning in to it and allowing it to wash over me. I had another shower in the afternoon as it had helped so much in the morning.
The kids were starting to get excited and my eldest drew a card saying "7th Feberry (February)" to welcome the baby. They were all convinced she was arriving that day, meanwhile I felt so different from my other births and still felt so calm, relaxed and in control that I thought I might have at least another day if not longer to go. I hadn't even picked up my tens machine which had been on from much earlier with the girls.
I just kept pacing about, cuddling the kids (they'd made a huge nest in the living room) and holding off on calling the midwives as long as possible making sure I was keeping well hydrated and using the toilet as much as possible (on the toilet I sat and muttered "dilation station" over and over again as I tried to use it as a place to sit and aid my contractions. (This sign was in the bathroom and kept me going A LOT)
Outside the world was becoming white but I had no idea and it was starting to get dark when I felt the pain and frequency increase. From the back of 4 in the afternoon my surges were lasting at least a minute and coming every 2-5 minutes. I was coping but they were stopping the world while they went on. I didn't want to call the midwives until I was sure the pattern wasn't breaking as my surges had stalled both times I went to hospital and I was worried that if the midwives appeared too soon it would happen again. I was also worried they'd say they couldn't sent anyone and try to convince me to come in to hospital. I on the other hand had mentally prepared to freebirth if necessary. The idea scared me a little but I didn't want to go in so I knew I wasn't calling until I was sure I wasn't getting in a car.
At about 18:15 I finally called triage to tell them I was in labour. Amazingly I had no fight on my hands, they would be able to send out midwives. Only problem was that it was close to their shift change (and the midwives had an hour's drive from the hospital to get to us). I said I didn't mind waiting, I was still in control and I had the pool still to get filled so I was sure that would help my pain. The lady on the phone wondered if I was sure - I believe the new pair were starting around 8 - but I was adamant that I was feeling safe and fine and baby nowhere near ready to appear. I had started getting quite vocal during the call but I knew I had many more hours to go.
As soon as I hung up the surges ramped up 100% - my husband had been reading bed time stories to the girls (hello baby) and i started sounding like a very very loud cow. The pain was all of a sudden overwhelming and I felt like the calm was gone. I asked my husband to go fill the pool because I was going to need the pain relief. I said night to the girls between some very shouty contractions. I was trying to remember to not fight it, to stay relaxed as my body opened. The girls were covering their ears and saying I was too loud which annoyed and amused me a little as they are usually do fecking loud. They told me the baby was coming soon because I had gotten noisy.
Somehow I made it back downstairs (pretty sure I was going to die trying at one point). I managed to go to the loo and told my husband I needed to pool. I got in before it was anywhere near full enough but I just needed the water to help and help it did. I was in agony on my back but my legs were so shaky and the contractions were coming so hard and fast i was struggling to get moved into a better position. I felt so sick and just wanted the midwives there to tell me how dilated I was because I was sure I couldn't do it. In hindsight I was hitting transition here but I didn't see that at the time I was just in pain and scared but my husband was so calm and just said it was fine and the baby was coming soon. In my head I just wanted to gas and air that was waiting in the hall but restrospectively I'm so glad I never had any of it. When we spoke later he said he could tell where my labour was due to the sounds. I had made the same sounds at different stages in my other labours but I was clearly moving through them quicker this time. So whilst I thought I had another 24hrs or labour my husband knew I was getting through it quicker than previously.
I moved position and managed to kneel on one need and stand on the other foot and I felt a pop in side me and a gushing of water into water. Nothing has ever felt as relieving as my waters breaking. I got a couple of minutes calm and I told my husband that he might as well get the girls back downstairs and our son from the living room as I was being so loud and the baby probably wouldn't be too long. He just about got the kids on around the pool as my surges once again ramped up. The sensation to poo and push was immense but I was also worried that I wasn't actually dilated enough so I tried to not go with it for a little bit. The phone rang and it was the midwives saying they were just leaving the hospital so should be about 50 minutes.
I put my hand between my legs and could feel the head bulging out and I just knew she was coming. I shouted to my husband to get back in because "the baby is coming". He apparently did a baywatch reinactment pulling off his top and trousers so throw himself into the pool. I was on my knees hanging on to the edge of the pool for dear life while my eldest was by my side, the middle two looking a little more confused by the noise level. We'd just about gotten the water level high enough, but I did not feel like I'd be ready to catch the baby so I was glad my husband was there. Her head came quickly in two contractions, I had a wee breather before her shoulders slipped out. He helped hold our daughter under the water whilst we waited for the next set of contractions to released her fully - she arrived around 19:45 surrounded only by loved ones.
I turned as quickly as I could to get her up on my chest and still can't believe I did it. The elation I felt was something else. The kids were all baffled, especially our soon to be 3 year old son but we invited them all into the pool and they came and gave their baby sister welcome cuddles there and then. The pure love they felt was just amazing and I think our son fell madly in love at first sight.
Once we'd all had a cuddle in the pool and I could feel my temperature dropping we got our of the pool. We'd set up a day bed in the birthing room so Juno and I got onto the bed to allow her to feed and us both to heat up. My husband called the Midwives to let them know she had arrived and that we were both in good spirits. They were in a neighbouring village, usually it would take 10-15 mins to get to us so I figured they'd not be long. Soon it was at least 30 minutes from them being around the corner and I told my husband about my concern. He laughed and said he hadn't wanted to tell me earlier but there was A LOT of snow out there. This is what we woke to the next morning.
The midwives had struggled to get to us with the drifts as well as driven past our house but they got to us just after 21:00. I don't think we'd have felt happy going out in that to get to hospital so I'm sure she was meant to be born at home. In any case they got to us and could do their checks and confirm what we already knew, that everyone was well.
Juno was my largest baby at 3.54kg / 7lbs13oz and doing great and I was so happy to have gotten so long with us undisturbed and with a physiological third stage. My placenta came out easily during a contraction with a light tug from the midwives and my husband got to cut the cord before it for tied with my home made cord tie.
The midwives weren't with us for much more than an hour before they got a call that seone else had gone into labour and needed their assistance. They felt bad leaving us so soon but I was relieved. They'd both been lovely but it was going to be nice to return to our sacred space. We sent them on their way and the kids went to bed soon after. Then my husband and I just sat and stared in wonder at our little girl before going to bed in our own bed.
Waking up the next morning I still couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I had done it, the thing I believed was possible when I was pregnant the first time and then missed out on. I had done it without pain relief. I had done it in a snow storm. I had done it without midwives. I had done it with my husband and children there and it was every bit as magical and then some as I'd hoped. All 3 children loved being part of it and my second born asked if I would "please born another baby" for months after. I think it helped our son fall in love too.
I have never felt so empowered, loved and in love. This birth healed me in so many ways and I'm eternally grateful to our daughter forgiving me such an amazing home birth and vbac experience.
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