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Audiology - an unexpected update

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Mouldy bread


This is me, 16:30 on a Friday afternoon. Nursing a beer and I've had a wee dram of whisky already and I'll tell you for why.
Mouldy fucking bread. Not my kids, not because it's Friday, not because I've done anything to deserve a drink. Just. Mouldy. Fucking. Bread. Inside. Me.

I felt peckish when I was preparing the kids dinner and was delighted to see there was some salmon and cream cheese mix left from our lunch (bagels: Nom!). Thought it would go nicely on some toast. Kids were being pricks (did I mention it's Friday = everyone being over tired) and I barely avoided burning their pizzas, most definitely did not think to check my bread.
Sat down and it was about 3/4 into the first slice of toast with smoked salmon and cream cheese that I noticed mould patches along all the crusts. BOKE!!!! After three pregnancies where I've done nothing but puke my gag reflex is pretty sensitive...
I quickly dumped the toddler in the travel cot and ran to stick my head in the toilet. Of course I had about 2 seconds peace before the 3 & 5 year old barged in to examine what I was doing. There were so many questions.
What are you doing? Why? Why are you crying? (I wasn't my eyes just water up when I spew) What IS that? Well why did you eat it? You shouldn't have eaten it! Why can't we stay? Why have you peed yourself? (Do your kegels ladies) Should we get daddy?! (No thank you please just LEAVE. AND. SHUT. THE. DOOR!)
Once I felt I'd vacated all I could I still felt my body needing cleansing. I reverted to barmaid logic and figured only booze could solve this problem. I can handle lots of things others might find yucky or scary but I can NOT handle mould. I am revolted for ages after touching it with my finger so  having it inside me is genuinely terrifying. I mean, I know I'll survive obviously but I'm still horrified an hour later. Even if the whisky and beer haven't killed anything off in my stomach it's at least helping my nerves... Somewhat. 濫
Happy Friday y'all!
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