Sometimes you just need to be a massive toddler too

Last week I was taking our two youngest ones to a Halloween party being held at their weekly baby & toddler group - Nova was delighted (I think she mainly wanted the brownies she'd seen that I had baked, she kept walking about saying "Happy birthday" mixing that and Halloween up completely). Upon seeing her Halloween costume - which I hasten to add, she had picked herself in the shop and even worn a couple of days ago for actual Halloween - she completely lost it and started screaming. She's a toddler and doesn't need a reason in case you've not encountered one before and are wondering why she'd do this.

To set the scene I need to backtrack a little: this is early in the morning, I have three young children which by it's very nature means I'm incredibly sleep deprived. I had just been decorating the brownies with icing to make them look like they're covered in spider's webs and blood for the two Halloween parties we were attending. (Ask my husband and apparently the look I achieved was that of jiz covered brownies - extra salty *gags*! You can find the recipe here)

Anyway, back to the morning madness: we were trying to get all three kids ready, I'd been making sure cakes and nappy bag were complete and I was on my way for a much needed shower while my husband held the fort when Nova decided to be a madam about her costume. Because we have children who constantly move everything in our house around, it's often nigh on impossible to find anything but by pure chance I managed to find her another costume. She seemed satisfied with the outcome and I snuck off for my shower. I would've been so happy if that was the only tantrum of the morning but little did I know she was just warming up.

The rest of the mornings schedule looked like this: 

• Take Vanessa to nursery for 9 am.
• Get Nova & Elis back in the car and drive back up the road to pick up a friend and her baby in time to be back at the school for 9:30 am when the baby & toddler group kicks off.
• Drop friend back at her house after the play session and head home about 11:30 am.

In reality I think we were at the school closer to 9:10, now that wasn't stressing me out too much as my friend's house is a 3 minute drive from the school. What I found far from helpful, however, was Nova starting to scream and tear off her clothes while I was talking to the nursery teacher. We evacuated the building to minimise the disturbance she was causing to the classes that had begun already. Amidst the screams I finally understood that she was on about one of her friends that she had spotted, to placate her I said she could stay with her friend and her mum at the school while I nipped up the road to pick up the other mum. 

This calmed her right down... Until I brought her over to her friend and she started wailing inexplicably again. By now it's 9:30 and I ought to have picked my friend up so I do what mothers of toddlers have to do A LOT: I pick up my screaming mess of a child (along with her baby brother who's just been chilling in his car seat no doubt wondering what the fuss is about) and manage to strap her into her car seat. I cranked the music right up in the car and pretended I couldn't hear the insane shrieking going on behind me after my attempts to calmly explain that we were going back to the school shortly had fallen on blind ears. Halfway to my friend's house I see something moving about in my rear-view mirror, the troublemaker had "Houdinid" out of her seat (insert a lot of expletives here while you picture me finding somewhere safe to stop the car).

This time I was not being allowed to strap her back into her seat. If you've never tried to strap an unwilling child into their seat you're one lucky s.o.b., it's harrowing to say the least (for everyone involved). To put it mildly I was VERY done with the way our morning was going by now. I was in a fairly frazzled state and just wanted all the screaming to stop. I pulled her, kicking and screaming, out of the car and sat her down on the frozen ground and in a moment of pure rage on my part just screamed in her face: "WE'RE GOING BACK TO PLAYGROUP BUT I HAVE TO GO PICK UP KATE! OK?!!!!"

She stopped screaming instantly, looked at me like she was the most rational human being in the world, shrugged and said "OK" then climbed right back into her seat like nothing had happened. I don't know why, but my children do this a lot when I've ended up loosing my patience and shout at them. They give me this look that says: "Why didn't you just say what you wanted, mummy dearest?" - I only did 5 million times that's why I'm now shouting at you like some crazed lunatic!

Did the shouting make me feel better? Not really... I wish I was a serene and calm mother at all times but I'm not. Was I glad that it worked? Hell yes! Do I shout more than I had ever thought I would before I had children? Yes, and quite frankly it sucks. Like many other mums out there I've got good days and bad days, but I try to be forgiving because I know that I'm not a bad mum. I'm a pretty good one when it comes to the others stuff, it's just that it's really draining getting no sleep, barely having a chance to eat unless you sneak in unhealthy snacks behind the fridge door or in the bathroom and having little humans that want things pretty much all the time but never seem to listen.

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself to be kind to myself when I feel like a crap mum. But I'm also writing it to all the other mums, whether you've got one or ten kids needing things constantly and making you short tempered: you're still doing a great job and your kid(s) love you. We're all only human and sometimes we end up behaving like over-grown toddlers and that's ok. Yes they are trying to deal with all their emotions, but so are we and sometimes we need to shout it out just as much as a toddler does to get it out of our system because when you're on the midst of a constant flow of toddler tantrums it can be difficult to stay afloat.

Our toddler's mood swings have become worse over the last week but I feel like I've gotten desensitised to it and so I'm at least keeping it together (most of the time) better. I probably needed that escalation last week to be honest; as well as this time to reflect, complain and laugh about it with friends and family. I certainly don't remember our eldest being this hard work but she was still very much non-verbal at 2.5 years age making it a very different experience as our current 2 year old loves a chat and being cheeky at the best of times.