Before I start, and in case the title isn't clear enough. This is a birth story, if that's not your cup of tea don't worry there are plenty other posts on my blog to chose from. I never wrote the birth stories of my first two previously. For a lot of us mothers our story means a lot, and so it should, your baby and how you met is precious to you. Some love to share it like a battle wound whilst others keep it to themselves. For some of us our birth plan means a lot for others it's not the journey and how you meet your baby, just meeting them is enough. This is a two part post where I will touch briefly on my first two births in part one purely because I think those experiences put me on the path I ended up on for my third pregnancy and birth. But in honesty it's my third birth that is the important one. Not because I treasure it more than the others but because it was different from everything I had planned and hoped for. I didn't make plans for my first two, I just wanted to get through labour. But the third time my plans mattered a lot to me which made it all the more difficult to cope with the massive change we had headed our way. I hope that sharing how I coped might help other mothers who have to deal with big changes to their birth plan, whatever the reason. It has taken me almost a year to write it all down, at first it was too raw, then I was too wrapped up in the three kids. Now that I have a blog and a voice I want to do something with it feels like it's time to write it down as his first birthday looms. (You can jump straight to part 2 HERE)
PART I
To start I feel I need to touch on my first two births because they impacted many decisions in my third birth plan (you can skip straight to part two HERE). My first was a 40 hour active labour after an otherwise pretty uneventful pregnancy, barring hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme "morning" sickness) for the first trimester I kept well for the rest of it. Labour was less fun; I had felt empowered beforehand and hoped to manage without an epidural, this was mostly because I did not want to be confined to my bed. I had liked the idea of a home birth but felt a bit scared with it being my first and as we were in Sweden where they are almost unheard of I opted for a Midwife Led Unit. As it turns out all my babies enjoy lying back to back in the womb which, despite them being head down, makes birth considerably harder. The intense lower back pain had me writhing in agony and in the 30th hour I asked for an epidural. I vaguely remember crying and apologising to my other half who'd laughed at what a ridiculous apology it was (and it was), saying he'd not understood why I hadn't just wanted one in the first place. The anaesthesiologist came and I was hooked up, however it wasn't long before my other half realised that something must have gone wrong as I was still in complete and utter agony. On his insistence she came back and tried to reset the tube, again there was no improvement. I just remember wanting to die, I kept going in and out of light, feeling so overwhelmed by the pain... it was difficult to remember why I was there, especially with it being my first. FINALLY, 6 hours after I had reluctantly asked for the epidural I had a new anaesthesiologist turn up, I would be lying if I didn't see a glowing aura around him, he got it connected correctly and I could feel it's soothing pain relief almost instantly. Pure exhaustion meant I managed a short sleep with epidural finally working, unfortunately my body was so exhausted by the duress that labour slowed and I needed a syntocinon-drip (synthetic oxitocin) to help us move towards the final stage. Of course all of this was forgotten as soon as I held our beautiful firstborn, and it's only as time has passed that I've felt more hurt by the experiences of the multiple failed epidurals.
 |
| My long labours were hard work for daddy too, I've no doubt it's draining for our partners to see us in so much pain but be fairly helpless themselves. I could never have done it without this wonderful man by my side, he was exhausted after while I was high on endorphins and baby fever |
Our second pregnancy was uneventful (other my hyperemesis being worse, lasting longer and being replaced by horrific reflux in the last trimester) and part of me was tempted by the notion of a home birth. But the experiences of the first labour scared me too much and I knew that I needed to feel confident in myself if I was to be happy birthing at home. Again I opted for a birth at a Midwife Led Unit, this time in Scotland. Our second daughter lay back to back despite me spending all the time I could leaning forward trying to convince her to turn. Labour was again long at 28 hours, but it was world's apart in every other way. Both my partner and I felt comfortable and confident this time, we'd done it before and it had been a pretty horrible experience. I think we both felt that things couldn't possibly be harder so we'd get through it together. I felt in control through the pain with just the help of gas and air, any time my confidence would waver our fantastic midwives would tell me that I could do it; I trusted their plentiful experience entirely. I did in the end ask for a pethidine injection for which I was grateful as I felt I was hitting a wall at the time and it meant I didn't need an epidural. Again labour slowed towards the end and I was hooked up to oxytocin once again, but all in all I felt like I had been in control this time, something I definitely didn't feel the first time.
That second birth filled me with enough confidence that a future home birth, should we have a third, was fully my intention. So it will come as no surprise that when I say I requested to get put down on the home birth team's list as soon as I called to inform the midwives of my third pregnancy.
My third pregnancy came once again with hyperemesis gravidarum, admittedly I thought I had gastroenteritis the first few days as I was still breastfeeding our second born who was 15 months at the time; of course the breastfeeding in itself was no birth control, but I was still taking the mini-pill. Lucky for our third child we had been planning on trying for him further down the line so he was (mostly) a wanted and pleasant surprise. I added the mostly because I did swear when we found out, not because I didn't want him, I wanted him with all my heart, but I knew now that I would in most likelihood get hyperemesis again and I did not know when or if it would end. I could write a lot about the horrors of being as sick as I was, it lasted pretty much till the end, with just a few weeks at the beginning of the third trimester where I at least "only" felt nauseous but avoided vomiting. But I'll leave that for another post.
Before explaining how our third pregnancy gave us an important lesson in how to cope with changes to plans I'll briefly explain some of the reasons why a home birth felt right for us. As I mentioned above it was only after my second that I felt truly confident enough to birth at home. That confidence was fuelled massively by the very supportive Facebook group Home Birth UK and it is mainly with them in mind that I write this. The plan was right for our family in so many ways though:
Click to continue...
- We live far from relatives, being at home meant we didn't have to worry about child care (we had a back up plan in case of an emergency trip to hospital but I really didn't think it would be likely).
- We live rurally and I was due in at the beginning of March which often gifts Scotland with snow (we ended up being snowed in the whole week before the birth of our third), it felt safe to plan to be at home instead of possibly risk travelling on treacherous roads.
- My first two labours were 40 & 28 hours long; I hoped that I'd feel more relaxed in my own environment, be able to move around more than I had previously at hospital which in turn both my midwife and I hoped would help things move faster so I could avoid syntocinon this time too.
- Despite being long and me needing syntocinon-drip towards the end both my first births had been fairly straight forward vaginal deliveries and my babies had fared well after.
- My other half and I had requested to be discharged almost immediately both times, the prospect of just being at home with our baby from the start appealed to us.
- My husband liked the idea of having all home comforts there and at the ready (again with long labours we both just felt it would be more relaxed to go through it all at home) - the fact that he supported me through it was incredibly important in our decision.
- I LOVED the idea of my two daughters being present either at the birth (if awake) or at least in the same building, I felt it would help keep me calm and my eldest and I had a wonderful time bonding over the sweet book "Hello Baby" (amazon link at the bottom of the post).
- I had wanted to try for a water birth both the other times but in Sweden they are not allowed (apparently they deem them unsanitary?) and when we got to the Midwife Led Unit with our second the pool was already taken. Having our own birthing pool at home would at least allow me a choice as I've always found water soothing for my fibromyalgia pains.
- Most importantly I believed I could do it!
Click to continue...
Comments
Post a Comment